Scorpio Horoscope for week of July 2, 2009

FREE WILL Scorpio (October 23-November 21)


Spiritual epiphany alert! Uncanny revelations imminent! Hope you don't mind being awoken in the middle of your regularly scheduled life by a special delivery from the Great Beyond. Yes, my cute little bundle of rumbling feelings and psychic sensitivities: It doesn't matter if you're a true believer or an unrepentant infidel -- you will soon be invited to have one of your logical certainties torn out by the roots and replaced with a throbbing vision of cosmic whoopee. Brace yourself for the most pungent fun you've had since your last mudwrestle with the angel.

Got a tough decision to make. Might be dropping off the grid for a wee bit. But, I'll be back in rare Monika form soon enough!

And now, to leave you with a joke to carry ya'll through...

"How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?"

"Fish!"

Chip Kidd's book The Learners was excellent. It asks the question, "What happened to the subjects of the Milgram study?"

"I am the corpse at every wedding. I am the bride at every funeral."

"But there she sat, as real as three years ago when we used to cruise down College Avenue: head scarcely clearing the dashboard, lacquered ebony fingernails orbiting the stick shift, the world behind her racing past, ever trying to keep up."

"Simple. If there is anything you definitely are not, Hims, my kaleidoscopic goddess, it's simple."

" 'Oh, I'm just filled with antisappointment.'
'Pardon?'
'Antisappointment. Anticipation colliding head-on with the certainty of its own doom.' "

"Something was wrong. Not physically, not really, I just wasn't... myself. Or maybe that was the problem-- maybe I finally was myself and couldn't get used to it."

"Typography can do a lot, but it has its limits like everything else. Words, too. Sometimes you feel something so profoundly and yet so strangely that it defies description. No way of expressing it right. And yet, because you need to tell someone, to show someone, you have to try."

My uber-awesome wacky creative special loving sister is back on Lj, folks!

Bought tickets for my first concert in forever: All Points West. The last show I saw was at the Meadowlands (another Jersey show!) with my sister, and the only 2 bands that rocked were My Chemical Romance (yes, they did rock), and Muse, AND I moshed so hard that my shoulder got ripped out of its socket! Yow!

Tool was my first band that I saw live, back at Ozzfest at Polaris in Columbus, Ohio. It's been probably over 11 years, so I feel like I'm coming back full circle towards the actual music I love and adore (gothic & industrial rock). The Arctic Monkeys and Ting Tings will also be playing, so that's sweet. I would really love to see Coldplay and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but I can only afford to go to the festival for one day :(

I still get free tickets to Carnegie Hall every month or two, and I've taken a few friends with me in the hopes of having them understand the Classical Music side of me. Too bad the shows have been hit or miss, but hey, they were free!

I haven't taken fiddle lessons in over a year at the Irish Arts Center in Hell's Kitchen, and I really miss going to regular Seissuns. I've tried Googling different private teachers, as I find I get bored in group lessons, but nothing has panned out. Meghan, a little help? *giggles*

Bridget has been knocking around, trying to get me motivated into playing for Her again, but I have such a hard time doing it on my own. I think I am still a little damaged from my professional experiences back in Ohio-- I feel like I've lost my talent a bit. It's been excellent having such close friends who are also musicians, and that has started the Fire under me again. I would really love to have a private teacher, though. Even if it's a Classical teacher, as that is my training and teachers know all the auditions for Symphonies.

However, with this hunger inside of me to learn music again (and maybe eventually perform), I know I'll have to make a decision in the fall. I'm hoping to get into JJay again for a second Master's, one that leads to full licensure, not just a CASAC that is pretty worthless for the population I work with (ID/DD). *shrugs*

Well, I'd better stop avoiding my work on Behavioral Outcomes/Treatment Plans for tomorrow :) Hope all is well with you wonderful people here in LJ Land!

Saturday, Apr 11th, 2009 -- Sometimes you are surprised at how others react to your emotional disclosures so you often withhold your feelings in consideration of those you love. Today, however, you can express what's on your mind without any self-restraint. Communicator Mercury harmonizes with passionate Pluto, helping you to deliver your words with accuracy while Venus in delicate Pisces softens the hard edges. Speaking your piece with kindness might just get you what you want.

Bold- Wow, I always do that, and then I get accused of either having no feelings (cold-blooded) or not trusting others enough to tell them about my feelings! Creepily accurate, that...

Oh, and I really want to go to Free Spirit this year. And roast Peeps. And rediscover my missing spirituality.

Holy cow, the Ritual Saturday for Spring Equinox (yeah, a week later) blew my mind, and I have plenty to type, but as I am currently procrastinating from writing Treatment Plans, I'll have to do a real update later in the week.


La la la!

There's a "Dead Like Me" movie On-Demand: excellent!

For so long, I lived for work-- typical type A personality, although not so much with the insane structure, but more like the "I use my work to define who I am" mentality. As I have switched jobs a zillion times since I started working at 15, I've become somewhat of a chameleon, a jack of all trades (Hail Manny!).

In the past 6 months, I have completely switched-- I now use work to Live. With a capital L. I feel like I've come into my own, and expanded my comfort zone, and finally established a strong support network here in the city (still love my Jersey friends!). The only problem is that I'm starting to feel unbalanced; scattered. I sat in Central Park today for the first time in 7 months and realized just how much I miss being grounded.

Of course, the first step in re-balancing is recognizing that you are unbalanced, so that's something. I hope I can get my shit together :)

Suddenly, I was in the scene and you were dressed in all black and instead of coming home with me you were sleeping with him and all smiles. All of a sudden, the scientist told us about our genes and chromosomes, how 23 were good and 23 were evil, and you were the guy version and I was the girl version. In this social experiment, the scientist couldn't save us or warn us. We were supposed to fight but we fell in love. And I'm outta the shower telling my sister this, as the experiment is ruined, until the next time we reincarnate.



Craziness.

The world is once again falling deeply in love with you. Let's hope that on this occasion (unlike what happened the last two times) you will accept its adoration in the spirit in which it's given. Let's hope that if the world offers you the moon, the dawn, and the breeze, you won't reject these gifts and say that what you really wanted was a comet, the sunset, and a pie in the sky. There would be nothing sadder than to see the world suffer yet another case of unrequited love.

a. I was originally to be named Brione or some other romance novel name, because my mother loves Harlequinn romances. But my German father said, "Uh no" and named me Monika with a K, after his dead newborn sister.

b. My middle name is Leigh, after Vivian Leigh, the actress who played Scarlett O'Hara. My mom had her revenge!

c. After my mom and dad divorced and I moved to Ohio, I was a horrible kleptomaniac. My grandma had to make a deal with me that if I did not steal anything at all for 3 whole months, I could have a guinea pig. This was the only thing that broke me of that terrible compulsion.

d. My nickname in soccer was "Boomer". I usually played defensive positions like Fullback and I had absolutely no aim, but I could kick the ball so hard that it would sail over everyone's heads into enemy territory and then the Forwards would score a goal.

e. I was born with white-blonde hair and blue eyes. At puberty, my hair darkened to brown and I had brown eyes. Now my hair is golden blonde (sun & highlights) and I have green eyes.

f. I started playing the violin in 4th grade, and then picked up the flute in 5th. My mom couldn't afford lessons for both, so I had to chose one. I've been playing the violin for almost 20 years.

g. I absolutely love Nature. When I was growing up in Ohio, my grandma and grandpa would take me, my brother, and my sister out to Mohican State Park, or Malabar Farm, almost every weekend. I know miles and miles of woodland, cornfields, creeks, and rivers, and the painful ache I feel when I've been in NYC too long makes me REALLY homesick.

h. I was a cheerleader in high school. Then a drama geek. And an orchestra geek. I think I confused everyone.

i. I have played video games since Mickey's House on original Nintendo. My favorite games so far are Bioshock, Portal, and Fallout 3.

j. My first job was at 15 at a Pizza Hut, then I was a groundskeeper for a rose garden, a model, and then I stayed at McDonald's for 3 years, until college.

k. I was engaged at 18, and it lasted a week before I called it off.

l. My first college was Ashland University, where I was a Music Performance major. I wanted to be an Opera Singer, but play violin, too. I rocked each and every recital I performed in, but I missed the feel of an orchestra. Since there was no University orchestra (it was a band school), I turned pro and played with the Ashland Symphony Orchestra for a while.

m. I also sang with the Mansfield Symphony Choir for over 2 years, and was the youngest soprano.

n. One of the coolest classes I have ever taken is "Instrumental Methods." I learned every instrument in an orchestra/band in 2 week installments, and can figure out how to play simple tunes on any instrument w/i a half-hour.

o. During my second semester at AU, I was diagnosed with a thyroid/heart condition. My grades plummeted to 1.9 GPA and I transferred to the Ohio State University.

p. At OSU, I switched to Criminal Psychology and worked as an unbonded officer for 3 years.

q. I have seen many dead bodies, and one person die.

r. I have traveled to Ireland, England, Wales, Austria, and Canada. Next stop, Japan?

s. I have 2 tattoos, one drawn by me, another a spiritual impulse.

t. I've worked as a restaurant manager, a prison counselor, a teacher, and a psychologist. I've never been able to stay put in a career longer than 2 years.

u. I have been arrested, and I have done community service. Lame.

v. I am an excellent swimmer. I almost joined the Coast Guard.

w. The only other language I know fluently is Ancient Egyptian. Ask me to write your name in hieroglyphs!

x. My mom is high strung, my sister is bi-polar, my brother is anti-social, and I currently take care of my alcoholic dad. At 28, I'm starting to buckle under the pressure.

y. I have dated all types: black, white, spanish, asian, carribean, short, tall, fat, skinny, happy, sad, goth, religious, female. But if you're a bad kisser, deal's off.

z. I am really into Japanese fiction right now.

The Village Pourhouse in the city has RockBand at a Bar on Tuesday nights. Tonight, MTV is hosting, and there is an open bar from 7pm to 9pm. So broke, and so behind in my work at the end of this month, but so wanna go...

Oh, and changed my LJ theme. Did you know that there is an RSS feed for my silly little journal?!? Wild!

Monika Butke's Facebook profile


Lame, it was supposed to put a nifty little badge thing there...

Well, millions upon millions of wonderful, hurtful, loving, heart-crushing, extravagant, and pitiful things have happened in such a small amount of time in this new year. Because of this, and the very personal, internal work that I am doing for myself, I'm moving more towards paper journals again.

But alas, I know that many of you wonderful LJ friends only get to interact with me through the wonderful world of Internet, so I shall be making at least monthly updates on here. And, I have a Facebook Account (cause it's so much easier to come up with a quirky, one-line quote to describe my day and supplement the insanity of my life with pictures!). If you do not know my name, I shall use an ancient form of Latin: Onika-May Utke-Bay Wow, I'm clever...

Many happy thoughts in this new year to you all, and as I'm trying to increase face time and phone time with loved ones, feel free to give me a call!

Horoscope for week of December 25, 2008

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

In 2009, don't just tune in to your hunches now and then. Be more diligent and intense than that. Check in with your intuition at least three times a day on all 365 days of the year. Be precise in the questions you pose it. Gather its clues craftily. Have fun as you joke and play with it. Conscientiously experiment with the suggestions it provides. This will be the year you can establish a steady, reliable connection with your inner voice. Be devout in your dedication to the cult of your intuition!

Most of my userpics were from my College days (oh, so long ago!). Here's the link to my new ones...

"Is it possible, finally, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another? We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close are we able to come to the person's essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?"




"Here's what I think, Mr. Wind-Up Bird," said May Kasahara. "Everybody's born with some different thing at the core of their existence. And that thing, whatever it is, becomes like a heat source that runs each person from the inside. I have one too, of course. Like everybody else. But sometimes it gets out of hand. It swells or shrinks inside me, and it shakes me up. What I'd really like to do is find a way to communicate that feeling to another person. But I can't seem to do it. They just don't get it. Of course, the problem could be that I'm not explaining it very well, but I think it's because they're not listening very well. They pretend to be listening, but they're not, really. So I get worked up sometimes, and I do some crazy things."




"People needed her, and as long as they went on needing her, she could not get out. Sometimes her sense of powerlessness would be deep and terrible, and she would feel like an empty shell. She was being worn down, disappearing into a dark nothingness."



Work, Love, Self. Which goes with which?